Balance between giving and taking

giving and taking

I used to believe that I am not much of a taker. Taking to me would be synonymous to snatching or grabbing and that does not leave a feel-good factor. I like the idea of receiving. Now that feels like a yin state to be in where I am just accepting what another person is giving to me. That feels like a great position to be in.

As I did more and more constellation work, I started realizing that receiving actually puts you in a dependant position where you are waiting for another person to hear you and then act in accordance to what you seem to be signaling. So receiving to seems very dependent on someone giving. You cannot receive if nobody is giving. Now if I re-look “taking”, it almost seems like having something which is rightfully mine. Infants and children take. There is no question of a newborn not taking a feed. Our kids take and we give them what is theirs to take. There seems to be independence in this, an understanding of what is yours and what is another’s. When we are unable to take, we end up giving our time, our energy, our space and sometimes even our own identity. Many times this is done unconsciously, without realization.

Too much giving from one person and too much taking from another person kind of upsets the balance in a relationship. So what happens when I constantly give? Well in a strange sort of way I start feeling like the “big person”. After all, I am the one giving – that must make me superior in some way. Now, what happens to the person taking. Maybe the person does not feel great about taking. Maybe the person wants to give? Maybe the person feels small each time I give? Is that what I am seeking in my relationship with others? Do I prefer to not have a balance? Do I want to be the one with the upper hand as it gives me a great sense of self-worth? Does my being bigger make me feel better about myself? Is this my way of valuing myself more?

At the same time, if I feel big in giving then maybe the one taking starts to feel small when I keep giving and the person receiving is not able to give back. What happens to the relationship over time? Somewhere the balance is lost and we wonder what happened to the relationship? But suppose the taker gets a chance to give. The giver then does not feel so big because this time round something has been taken and not given. This keeps the flow in relations. With this constant tipping of scales, a balance is achieved and the relationship grows.

Somewhere this sense of balance is allowing me to learn to receive as well as give and to take what is mine.

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